August 2011 has been an interesting month for me. I have done more thinking about the fragile nature of life than ever before in my sixty years of living. The pain, the stiffness, and the swelling in my joints has been much worse since my last entry. I have felt uneasy this month as well because I couldn't do what should be easy for me, such as: getting an order to Costco for my photos, simple math, and preparing a simple meal without getting very sore and fearing I might leave a burner on "etc, etc, etc". (And as I type this entry my fingers are beginning to ache.)
In the third week of this month I attended my Creative Memories' Convention. I had given some thought to retire from this company because of my financial situation. And again this month when I considered this, my stomach went into a big, painful knot. This year I have had to retire from my primary occupation as a registered nurse. And even though my husband's evaluation of Creative Memories has been to finance my hobby is true -- it has brought me a great deal of happiness. I also feel this company is as honest and as sincere as they seem to me. I also feel the claims they make about their products are true. If I am ever left alone, I feel I would be happy to still have them a tiny part of my life.
BUT, there are lights at the end of the tunnel (and it isn't life's tunnel). It is here right now every day. As I get back into my scriptures the memories flood back to me how much I loved the scriptures in my youth and early adulthood. I am sad that I let a family, work, and volunteer activities get in my way of my studies -- BUT I am so glad with the challenge to "Read the Bible in 90 Days" was presented to me by my youngest daughter Jennifer. AND I am so glad to have my good husband to help me understand the Bible, and more about our wonderful church -- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It also initiates some wonderful conversations between us. Craig, my husband, dislikes "idle chatter" but he will drop almost anything he is doing to talk to me about the scriptures and the church.
So what does this all have to do with my life as I look to the future? I want to continue to study my scriptures and continue to follow the teachings of the church. Also, I want to be the best wife, the best mom and the best grandma to the wonderful family I have. Pain can't take them eternally away from me, unless I lose my way. I can't do everything for them, that I used to be able to do BUT -- I can love them and stay faithful.
