"Life is Fragile, Handle it With Care" (unknown author to me)

August 2011 has been an interesting month for me.  I have done more thinking about the fragile nature of life than ever before in my sixty years of living.  The pain, the stiffness, and the swelling in my joints has been much worse since my last entry.  I have felt uneasy this month as well because I couldn't do what should be easy for me, such as: getting an order to Costco for my photos, simple math, and preparing a simple meal without getting very sore and fearing I might leave a burner on "etc, etc, etc". (And as I type this entry my fingers are beginning to ache.)

In the third week of this month I attended my Creative Memories' Convention. I had given some thought to retire from this company because of my financial situation.  And again this month when I considered this, my stomach went into a big, painful knot. This year I have had to retire from my primary occupation as a registered nurse. And even though my husband's evaluation of Creative Memories has been to finance my hobby is true -- it has brought me a great deal of happiness.  I also feel this company is as honest and as sincere as they seem to me.  I also feel the claims they make about their products are true.  If I am ever left alone, I feel I would be happy to still have them a tiny part of my life.

BUT, there are lights at the end of the tunnel (and it isn't life's tunnel). It is here right now every day.  As I get back into my scriptures the memories flood back to me how much I loved the scriptures in my youth and early adulthood.   I am sad that I let a family, work, and volunteer activities get in my way of my studies -- BUT I am so glad with the challenge to "Read the Bible in 90 Days" was presented to me by my youngest daughter Jennifer. AND I am so glad to have my good husband to help me understand the Bible, and more about our wonderful church -- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  It also initiates some wonderful conversations between us.  Craig, my husband, dislikes "idle chatter" but he will drop almost anything he is doing to talk to me about the scriptures and the church.

So what does this all have to do with my life as I look to the future?  I want to continue to study my scriptures and continue to follow the teachings of the church.  Also, I want to be the best wife, the best mom and the best grandma to the wonderful family I have.  Pain can't take them eternally away from me, unless I lose my way.  I can't do everything for them, that I used to be able to do BUT -- I can love them and stay faithful.

What Am I Doing Wrong?

Okay, Jennifer and Karlene.  I posted something on each of your blogs, and as far as I can see neither of you received my comments.  So why aren't you getting them?  Someone, please tell me.  Thanks for today, I enjoy scrapbooking with you all.  Love ya, goodnight.

Dismayed, Yet ...

  I have noticed the last couple of weeks, (taking my pain med three times a day) before it is time to take my second dose, my knee is hurting badly.  In fact, yesterday I had to take an extra pain med to keep my pain controlled.
  Today, I did some laundry -- my washer and dryer are downstairs.  I tried to stay downstairs as much as possible, but now at 10:45pm my pain is at least 4/5.  I also don't have a comfy chair downstairs -- so the swelling in my knees is about 3/5; and I am sure not being able to get my knees up is also adding to the pain.  WOW - I can't even do my housework. I am sad.
  But is my reading in the Bible going to be to no avail?  Reading in Deuteronomy Chapter 31, verses 5-8 I feel some strength.  Even though Moses is talking to his people about claiming the land of their inheritance, he says these words; and I believe they can apply to any of us who are fearful. "...and you must do what I have commanded you.  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, (them means to me my trials) for the Lord your God goes (is) with you; he will never leave you or forsake you".

Do Not be Dismayed

  I have joined the challenge to read the bible in 90 days. After reading the first sixteen chapters, I found this challenge was very much related to my blog.  The portion of scripture that stayed with me was Genesis 4:6. "Then the Lord said to Cain.  Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
  Here the Lord was talking to Cain, the first recorded murderer in the Old Testament and this scripture rang true in my mind! Why?  I believe the Lord was telling me, I am depressed to much these days, and I don't have pleasant countenance much of the time.
  I decided I can stop feeling sorry for myself. And have faith in the Lord, that things that happen, regarding my disability will work according to the Lord's will -- but that I have still have to still "Stand up  and Live"! My prayer will be that I can be happy with a pleasant countenance, so that depression doesn't overtake my faith.

Reflection on My Blog

   After contemplating my blog and its' theme -- I do not want to make it negative. Because as I think of the last two years, I have shared some very special and spiritual times with my family and friends. And most of these times would have been unavailable to me if I had been working.  Although, I struggled with discouragement in 2010 because my operative knee was now more painful than before surgery and my good knee was becoming painful because of overuse -- I also had an invaluable experience.  The following is this experience. 

  I ran out of my medications and I ordered them.  I then forgot about them. It was the third day that I had not slept or eaten when Mary and Jonathan brought their little kiddies for me to look after while they went to the temple. I was able to do it but Mary could tell I was very sick.  We sat down and went over my meds together, and I finally remembered the med I had forgotten to pick up.

  Mary went and picked up the medication, and she and her family left for home. I took my medication and I ate some cooked oatmeal. Then my need for sleep, after three days, had caughten up with me. BUT, as I sat in my comfy chair the following impression came into my mind as I drifted off to sleep -- "You now have the right to lie down and die, or stand up and live".  My decision was made without hesitation: "I would stand up and live"!  I then slept deeply for several hours into the next day. 

Upcoming Surgery

  I was told in December 2007 - the waiting list for surgery would be a year. And a year it was. In December 2008, I received the call for surgery -- it would be before Christmas,  but I would be home before Christmas. One of our staff had just resigned, and we were finding it very hard to have RN staff for Christmas. They knew I would be out of the mix because of my surgery. I felt sad that I couldn't help out, but I had waited a year for my date for surgery.

  After thinking about it with extreme mixed feelings, I called those who booked the surgery. I explained my situation and they gave me a date for the 9th of January 2009. I was glad I changed the date, after all what is Christmas all about? And also, I wasn't as disabled for Christmas. The next year would be difficult, but I learned patience (at least for that year).  Many hours were spent in my comfy chair with my grandchildren and my pet cats. I also crocheted many receiving blankets for my growing family of grandchildren. Dr. Low told me I had to give my knee a year to heal.  

Now, Who is This Uncle Art?

  I would think anyone reading this blog would be thinking to themselves -- who is Uncle Art? My husband may be thinking she has never lived with Art Manville. So I guess I should explain before rumours get started.
  In 2007, after visiting with family, I came home with a lump in the back of my left knee which caused a great deal of pain in that knee. Enough that I went to see Dr. Low. He diagnosed it as a Baker's Cyst. He felt I should see an orthopedic surgeon. About three months later, I went to see Dr. Fernhout who confirmed Dr. Low's diagnosis.
  I thought he could just remove it with a simple surgery and my life would return to normal after a few weeks. Nope, that was not the answer. Instead, he gave me a cortisone injection. That helped  for awhile (can't remember how long) but I think after about six weeks, I had to return to Dr. Fernhout. He gave me a second cortisone injection. This time, it didn't work at all. I had 
x-rays done and this time, he confirmed my biggest fears. Uncle Art Had come to visit and wasn't leaving anytime soon. I would be booked for a total knee replacement, a surgery required for the treatment of osteoarthritis in my left knee. 
  My blog will deal in the past for a few years to show how Arthritis has impacted my life and those around me.